A
Aaron, Rachel: The Spirit Eater

B
Barker, Clive: The Thief of Always
Beddor, Frank: The Looking-Glass Wars
Brontë, Charlotte: Jane Eyre
Butcher, Jim: Ghost Story

C
Cabot, Meggin: She Went All the Way
Carriger, Gail: Soulless
Carriger, Gail: Changeless
Carriger, Gail: Blameless
Carriger, Gail: Heartless
Carriger, Gail: Marine Biology (short story)
Conan Doyle, Arthur: The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
Conan Doyle, Arthur: A Study in Scarlet

F
Fforde, Jasper: The Eyre Affair

G
Gaiman, Neil and Pratchett, Terry: Good Omens
Gibson, William and Sterling, Bruce: The Difference Engine (didn't finish)
Godbersen, Anna: Bright Young Things
Godbersen, Anna: Beautiful Days
Gruen, Sara: Water for Elephants

H
Harris, Charlaine: Dead in the Family
Huff, Tanya: Valor's Choice
Huff, Tanya: The Better Part of Valor
Huff, Tanya: The Heart of Valor
Huff, Tanya: The Truth of Valor

K
King, Stephen: 11/22/63

L
Lawhead, Stephen R.: Avalon: The Return of King Arthur

M
McKinley, Robin: Sunshine

P
Priest, Cherie: Boneshaker

R
Rinaldi, Ann: Time Enough for Drums
Rinaldi, Ann: Wolf by the Ears
Rothfuss, Pat: The Name of the Wind
Rothfuss, Pat: The Wise Man's Fear (twice)
Rowland, Diana: Blood of the Demon
Rowland, Diana: Secrets of the Demon

W
Weir, Alison: The Captive Queen
Wells, H.G.: The Time Machine
Westerfeld, Scott: Leviathan
Westerfeld, Scott: Behemoth
Westerfeld, Scott: Goliath

In December, Melissa Marr (aka melissa_writing) and Robin McKinley (who no longer uses her LJ and can be found here) had a small debate back and forth on their blogs about Rochester and whether he's an attractive character. I started to read them, but having not yet read Jane Eyre and knowing only "Jane is the governess, she and Rochester fall in love, he has a crazy wife in the attic" and not knowing the outcome of that, I decided to go back and read those entries after I actually got around to reading the book. I finished it on Tuesday, I read Melissa Marr's and Robin McKinley's views, and here is what I was thinking as I read the book.

My issue with Rochester is actually not the wife in the attic. He puts her in a nice room, with a caretaker, which while not good, is far better than would have happened in an asylum. A good part of Bertha's "madness" is that she's an alcoholic- Rochester says so, even- and while she's definitely unstable (to the point of setting fire to his bed while he's asleep, and attacking her brother and biting him so that he bleeds copiously), I have to point out that we have no idea of knowing how "mad" she was BEFORE she spent ten years in the attic. I'm inclined to think she was already well on her way to being dangerous, but like Melissa Marr said, we're getting Rochester's version of the story through the eyes of someone who loves him.

My point is that I can forgive that. What I cannot forgive is that he lies about it. Granted that it's a lie of omission at first- he's been pretending for so long to everyone around that he's a bachelor, the lie comes naturally- and yes, I actually do understand that the longer something like that goes, the harder it is to come clean. I have no problem with him falling in love with Jane- you can't help who you fall in love with, and Jane loves him too. But he then proposes to Jane and tries to illegally marry her anyway! That, in my eyes, is unforgivable. I kept texting sheamackenzie increasingly incredulous messages in all caps, causing her to crack up.

I'm also still amazed at the whole confession of love scene. I loved the way he described it, I really did. But the preceding three pages of waxing lyrical about Blanche I could have done without. Especially when she calls him on it and his reaction is to laugh and admit so cavalierly that he was just making her jealous. Really? Didn't they already discuss that she'd never felt jealousy? Is that why he's trying to make her jealous? She has nothing to be jealous about- she's his employee! She has no earthly reason to believe she has any chance with him, so all his rhapsodizing about Blanche really should (and I think does) just make her sad.

And my biggest issue. When all is revealed, he tries to convince Jane to stay. And when she says she doesn't want to be his mistress, he says they'll go to France and live as husband and wife, though they won't actually be married. Jane replies that she feels it's wrong*, and his response is to say "Well, since you have no family, nobody's going to be upset by it, so what's your issue?" THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. NOT AT ALL. Manipulative is the only word I can possibly use to describe to his behavior here.

I was so happy when Jane ran away. I wanted the book to end with Jane as an independent person, even living with Mary and Diana. Tragic love that she never recovered from, never marrying, would have suited my sensibilities just fine. I knew not to expect that, though, from my friends who are self-proclaimed hopeless romantics who love the book. I declared after Jane ran away that I didn't believe there was anything Rochester could do to make me forgive what he said and did. I still can't think of any way the book could have gone that would have made me forgive him. For some reason, the fact that his atonement comes in the form of having been blinded, rather than his actual doing something, really annoys me. He didn't change! He hasn't done anything to make him worthy of forgiveness! Just because he was injured, everything's suddenly fine? I know Jane's objection was actually just that Bertha was still living. Even if he hadn't been injured, she would have married him as soon as it was legal. And I think that's what annoys me the most.

The biggest defense I hear of Rochester as a character is that his mistake makes him human. Except that it's a big damn mistake. It's not like he kissed her, oh oops. No, he actually got her all the way to the church to get married and would have gone through with it if Mason hadn't intervened. I've also heard that it's likely that Bertha was actually insane and not just independent, since one of the reasons Rochester likes Jane is because she's willing to stand up and speak out. I do agree with that point, but just because Jane stands up for herself sometimes (and really, she's not that assertive, she's just in a time where women hardly ever said anything at all) doesn't mean she can't be manipulated.

I love Robin McKinley's heroes without exception**, and my favorite is probably Constantine from Sunshine, who sparked the debate between Melissa Marr and Robin McKinley. So I fully expected to view Rochester as she does, and as sheamackenzie, who has been my friend for quite a while, does. We tend to agree on things like this. But as I read on, I found myself surprised not that I didn't find Rochester unbearably attractive, but that other people do. He lies and manipulates and doesn't atone for it, and again, we're getting this story through Jane's eyes! She loves him, she married him! And so even though the retelling is colored by her love for him, I still find him to be manipulative and his actions to be reprehensible? Yeah, I'm not so sure.

What it comes down to is that I love the book. I love Jane (it's not her fault she falls in love with him). I like Rochester as a literary character that I can read about and go "how could someone DO that???", but I still don't think I find him attractive even though I really really like his description of his feelings toward Jane. And I can't wait to see the most recent film adaptation of the book. The casting looks absolutely perfect.


*I really liked Jane's constant struggle with religion, and that she continues to be very moral anyway.

**Or at least any exception that I can recall. I positively adore Corlath and the Beast and Tor and Luthe and omg Sahath was my very first literary crush at the age of ten. The Healer remains one of my favorite short stories ever.

Last week, I was working on casting for Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman. Now I'm posting it.

( NEVERWHERE )


Also I am using my Neverwhere icon, which noone ever realizes is from the book. It's from the author's preferred text and it's not in the American version, but the passage is:

To say that Richard Mayhew was not very good at heights would be perfectly accurate, but would fail to give the full picture. It would be like describing the planet Jupiter as 'bigger than a duck'. Richard hated clifftops, and high places. Somewhere not far inside him was the fear--the stark, utter, silently screaming terror--that if he got too close to the edge, then something would take over and he would find himself stepping off into space. It was as if he could not entirely trust himself, and that scared Richard more than the simple fear of falling ever could. So he called it vertigo, and hated it and himself, and kept away from high places.

That is a perfect example of why I love Neil Gaiman. My favorite joke ever and a beautiful passage with the phrase "silently screaming terror". And why this is one of my two favorite books.

ANOTHER PICSPAM! Seriously, I'm having fun here. innoittaa and I were talking about people I'd missed. So here I am. I may be doing a few more of these over the next few days- I've been casting some of my favorite novels in my mind and I'm going to post them.

( pictures of people I think are pretty )

IT IS REALLY LONG AND REALLY AWESOME. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Yeah, I'm having a shitty time of it the past few days (or, to be perfectly honest, the past few years). On top of everything else, my stomach has decided that it hates food and is going to empty itself every time I try to eat. This is probably because of stress. So I'm going to cheer myself up much as sunnyrea does, by posting awesome things.

( PICTURES )

Title: Pirates and Popcorn
Fandom: Sherlock
Author: theniwokesoftly
Pairing: John/Sherlock, can be established or pre-slash, whichever you prefer.
Rating: G

Oh, this is pure fluff. Written for humanyouth's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LOVE!

( Pirates and Popcorn )

Title: Some Days
Author: theniwokesoftly
Fandom: Fanboys
Pairing: Eric/Linus (unrequited)
Warning: Canon character death

Author's Note: guest_age asked me for Eric angsting after Linus dies. I originally thought I could throw myself into an angst-fest where Eric is completely non-functional and I stewed on that for a couple of days before realizing that that's not how Eric reacts to things. So I hope you like this, darling! The first scene is also based on guest_age's marvelous theory presented in the ship manifesto which can be found here.

( Some Days )

Just posted this to deancastiel, but there's a moderation queue and for some reason, I really wanted to post it right now. Anyway, I'm a bit fixated on Dean/Castiel and how they never take their eyes of each other. These are Dean's thoughts.


Author: theniwokesoftly
Fandom: Supernatural
Character: Dean Winchester
Rating: PG, perhaps, for language
Wordcount: ~650
Spoilers: generic for seasons 4 & 5
Disclaimer: I'm only borrowing them.

( Life has been much harder since he returned from hell, and not for the reasons he would have expected. )

Inspired by someone else's journal, this is my ongoing list of books I've read in 2009. (This includes rereads.)

A
Adams, Douglas: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Austen, Jane: Sense & Sensibility

B
Barber, David: Bach, Beethoven, and the Boys: Music History as it Ought to be Taught
Black, Holy, and Castelluci, Cecil: Geektastic: Stories from the Nerd Herd
Butcher, Jim: Turn Coat
Butcher, Jim: White Night
Butcher, Jim: Small Favor
Butcher, Jim: Blood Rites

C
Cabot, Meg: Forever Princess (shutup)
Cairns, David: Mozart and his Operas
Card, Orson Scott: Shadow of the Hegemon
Card, Orson Scott: Shadow Puppets
Conan Doyle, Arthur: The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes

D
Donoghue, Emma: Life Mask

E
Eugenides, Jeffrey: Middlesex
Eugenides, Jeffrey: The Virgin Suicides

F
Follett, Ken: The Pillars of the Earth
Follet, Ken: World Without End

G
Gaiman, Neil: Marvel 1602
Gaiman, Neil: Coraline
Gaiman, Neil: American Gods
Gruen, Sara: Water for Elephants

H
Harris, Charlaine: Dead Until Dark
Harris, Charlaine: Living Dead in Dallas
Harris, Charlaine: Club Dead
Harris, Charlaine: Dead to the World
Harris, Charlaine: Dead as a Doornail
Harris, Charlaine: Definitely Dead
Harris, Charlaine: All Together Dead
Harris, Charlaine: From Dead to Worse
Harris, Charlaine: Dead and Gone
Hosseini, Khaled: The Kite Runner
Huff, Tanya: Gate of Darkness, Circle of Light
Huff, Tanya: The Fire's Stone
Huff, Tanya: Smoke and Shadows
Huff, Tanya: Smoke and Mirrors
Huff, Tanya: Smoke and Ashes
Huff, Tanya: The Better Part of Valor
Huff, Tanya: The Heart of Valor

K
King, Stephen: Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption (technically this is a short story, but it's more like a novella and it's gotta be as long as Coraline)

L
Lawhead, Stephen: Avalon: The Return of King Arthur
Lukyanenko, Sergei: Night Watch

M
McKinley, Robin: Beauty
McKinley, Robin: A Knot in the Grain and Other Stories
McKinley, Robin: Sunshine
McKinley, Robin: The Outlaws of Sherwood
Moore, Alan: Watchmen

N
Napoli, Donna Jo: Hush

P
Perez, Marlene: Dead is the New Black
Perez, Marlene: Dead is a State of Mind

R
Riordan, Rick: The Lightening Thief
Riordan, Rick: The Sea of Monsters
Riordan, Rick: The Titan's Curse
Riordan, Rick: The Battle of the Labyrinth
Riordan, Rick: The Last Olympian
Ross, Alex: The Rest is Noise: Listening to the Twentieth Century
Rothfuss, Patrick: The Name of the Wind

S
Sacks, Oliver: Musicophilia: Tales of Music and the Brain
Sedaris, David: When You Are Engulfed in Flames
Sedaris, David: Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim
Stoker, Bram: Dracula

T
Tan, Amy: The Joy Luck Club

W
Watson, Winifred: Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day
Wharton, Edith: The Age of Innocence
Weir, Alison: Innocent Traitor
Wilde, Oscar: The Picture of Dorian Gray
Wrede, Patricia, and Stevermer, Caroline: Sorcery and Cecilia
Wrede, Patricia, and Stevermer, Caroline: The Grand Tour
Wrede, Patricia, and Stevermer, Caroline: The Mislaid Magician

I decided to celebrate my new computer-having state by watching Children of Earth. Yes, all of it.

( What?! )

131. Dirge for Two Veterans

The last sunbeam
Lightly falls from the finish’d Sabbath,
On the pavement here—and there beyond, it is looking,
Down a new-made double grave.

Lo! the moon ascending!
Up from the east, the silvery round moon;
Beautiful over the house tops, ghastly phantom moon;
Immense and silent moon.

I see a sad procession,
And I hear the sound of coming full-key’d bugles;
All the channels of the city streets they’re flooding,
As with voices and with tears.

I hear the great drums pounding,
And the small drums steady whirring;
And every blow of the great convulsive drums,
Strikes me through and through.

For the son is brought with the father;
In the foremost ranks of the fierce assault they fell;
Two veterans, son and father, dropt together,
And the double grave awaits them.

Now nearer blow the bugles,
And the drums strike more convulsive;
And the day-light o’er the pavement quite has faded,
And the strong dead-march enwraps me.

In the eastern sky up-buoying,
The sorrowful vast phantom moves illumin’d;
(’Tis some mother’s large, transparent face,
In heaven brighter growing.)

O strong dead-march, you please me!
O moon immense, with your silvery face you soothe me!
O my soldiers twain! O my veterans, passing to burial!
What I have I also give you.

The moon gives you light,
And the bugles and the drums give you music;
And my heart, O my soldiers, my veterans,
My heart gives you love.

-Walt Whitman

Ooooh, Neil Gaiman contest over here. The more entries, the more prizes, so go! Enter!

This needs to be seen. Read deliriums_fish's journal entries here, here, here, and here for a first-hand account of what is going on with the protests at the port in Olympia, attempting to block a military shipment from a civilian port yesterday. There has been almost no media coverage, and what there is of course plays down how much brutality there is directed toward the protesters. And here is the video put out by the Olympian.

And slammerkinbabe has drafted a letter, which she has made available for copying or as a draft or whatever you want, here. Please, please read these.

Sooo. The trip.

I got up at 4:45, and got my train and left with no problem. Got to New York, and my train was a few minutes late, leaving me with bout 25 minutes to get from Penn Sation to 43rd. The subway had some massive problems yesterday, so I couldn't get a cab and ended up sprinting in 3" heels. And dripping with sweat with my makeup literally melting off. So that was fun. The audition was so crowded (and I was late for sign-in) that I was 62 in the queue. They sent everyone after 20 away to come back in an , at which point I had anxiety attack #1. I then went to the RENT lottery, because Anthony! And Adam! and I met up with a few other people waiting and did the lottery-buddy thing, which was greatly calming. None of us won, but because it was a Weds matinee, they had enough extras that they gave everyone there a ticket for $20.

So I was freaking out again because of heat (it was about 90F), dehydration, and nerves, so I went to a restaurant and had two glasses of water and forced myself to eat a salad, which was just meh. I went back to the audition, later than I was supposed to, and it was chaos. I couldn't figure out what was going on and I wasn't the only one. I got upset, had anxiety attack #2, and threw up (I'd been battling nausea all morning anyyway between nerves, heat, and motion sickness from the train), so I left because there was no way in hell that I was going to be able to sing. So I did not get to my audition, but at least next time I'll be better prepared and this will not happen. Because I will be better prepared. I will.

Then I went to see RENT. Anthony Rapp was fantastic. I have no words. He has such great facial expressions, and when he does things like spastic dancing Tango Maureen, he's so cute! There was a couple on the end of the second row who came back to where Anne and I were sitting and said that it was too loud for them because they were next to a subwoofer and were the seats next to us empty, and we ended up switching with them. When Anthony did the Valentine's Day thing over on the edge of the stage, I could have touched him. ::fangirl swoon:: Adam Pascal had some really good scenes and some that were just ok. He seemed much more enthusiastic than he did in the movie (and his hair was short! thank God), but there were some scenes where I was unsure what he was doing. Tamyra Gray from American Idol is playing Mimi. I hated her. She can't act, she can't dance, and half of her singing was flat. She did sound really good on No Day But Today and I Should Tell You, though. But the finale was HORRID. She had this stoned look the whole time. But Adam was great in the finale. And in Light My Candle, when she says "with my father" she does some different dance move every time (I hear) and Adam imitates her when he says "I'm Roger", which was popular. I wanted to bitchslap all the screaming fangirls who wouldn't stop cheering when they came onstage or after every song. Hello, we're paying to hear them! Let's actually listen!!!! Nicolette Hart was playing Maureen, and she was good, but Kelly Karbacz (who was the Maureen slammerkinbabe and I saw two years ago) was in the ensemble and I liked her way better. The Joanne was sick, so Merle Dandridge, the Joanne that Kylie and I saw, was filling in. Yay, cause she was awesome. And hot. Anthony and Nicolette came out and signed autographs. I didn't get a photo becaue I forgot my camera, dammit. And some squealing 15-year-olds behind me were going "ANTHONY CAN I HAVE A KISS????" and he looked sceptical and then blew one ofthem a kiss. Yay for him being AWESOME. He's so nice. And shorter than I am, even though his imdb bio says he's 5'8. Lol. But I was not feeling so great in that crowd.

So after RENT I went to the Port Authority bus terminal to see if I could get a refund for my bus ticket (they're supposed to give 80% bck, I can deal with that), but they said I had to call the Greyhound people. So I did, and I was on hold so long in a public place and all, and I missed my bus, being kicked into anxiety attack #3. Fun times. So I'm going to request a refund today, citing medical reasons (there is no possible way I could have stood five hours on a crowded bus when I was already upset), and if they don't listen to me, I'll call the bank and dispute the charge for the same reason. I can have my psychiatrist talk to them, even. While I was at the terminal, I went to Jamba Juice because I knew I was getting more dehydrated and all. I had a pomegranate/orange/strawberry thing and that was pretty good. So then I went to TKTS and got a ticket to see The Drowsy Chaperone. I went back to Penn Station so I could book a train, but the line was too long (it was an hour or so in line and 6:50pm), so I stopped and got a sandwich and had most of a large Sprite. I felt a little nauseous immediatle following, but so much better after that. It was air-conditioned in the station, and then I took a cab back to the theatre (it's like 15 blocks, I considered my sanity well worth the $8), the theatre was air-conditioned and not too crowded, so I felt so much better after all that. Drowsy Chaperone was really cute! Mara Davi was fantastic, as was Beth Leavel.

I got a train ticket back at 3am, so I spent about five hours in Penn Station listening to my iPod and reading Fire's Stone, because I don't know anyone in the city except a second cousin. I'm still recovering from heat exhaustion, but I guess I'm lucky I avoided full-on heat stroke, and my feet hurt so very much. I have bruises on the balls of my feet (but only one blister. Weird), and I can't really move my toes. But I'm back. Not going to New York again until my Met audition. I'll do national tour auditions, but I really don't want to live there. I don't think I could handle it.

'specially seeing as he's what, 69? AHAHA ::giggles like a schoolgirl::



That is all.

I PASSED MATH!!!

For any who are behind, this means I get to graduate on time, not wait until September and not get to cross the stage. Yay!

School sucks likewhoa. I almost skipped physics, but then realized that since I couldn't sing in choir, and I don't have art history tomorrow, I'd basically have stayed on campus for nothing. And it's good that I went because out lab was really fun.

eaterofnoodles sounded beautiful on her piece this evening.

But I still feel kinda gross, so then I was trying to cheer myself up by making Johnny Cash and June Carter icons. It semi-worked.

1. 2. 3. 4.
5. 6. 7. 8.
9. 10.

Comment and credit, please.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, fleurdelista!!!!!!